Our Analytics 7 november — 14:05

In the Land of Unfrightened Idiots (Almost as in Ilf and Petrov)



The main question on the agenda of the Azerbaijani opposition - why do not the people rebel?! Opposition leaders, clutching at peculiar allopathic methods in working with a loose and pale protest electorate and an unstable social base, unwittingly involved in episodic clashes with the authorities for 26 years, refuse to believe in the conclusions of scientific research and applied political science. A priori doomed, but persistent attempts for decades to stir up the second popular protest movement after Meydan in 1988 should have led the antiheroes of that very lost Meydan to inevitably known historical and philosophical arguments about the reasons for their tragic defeat. Although what kind of historical and philosophical formulation of the question can be discussed? By no means, because the opposition, together with its leaders, is a simulacrum of political reality, a kind of pseudo-thing, some kind of imaginary image of a missing reality. Opposition is not a reality, but only believability.

Behind the garages they held a summit behind closed doors

The last meeting of the opposition leaders at the well-forgotten headquarters of the Musavat party once again confirmed me in sad thoughts about the false reality of this pseudo-political institution. “Why doesn’t the people revolt?” - this question, trivial in content, that is, from the point of view of political analytics, and base in form - for not a single decent citizen and even a poet inspired by dramatic action wishes his own people blood, loss and bitterness - froze on the lips of the anti-hero of our time, Ali Karimli. But for some reason, the so-called politician, aspiring to the highest power in the country, does not even ask the urgent questions of modern world politics: let's say why in the Middle East, torn by neo-imperial thirst for colonial enslavement, drowning in bloody wars, such a peaceful, stable and wonderful reserve remains as Jordan? Or why did the Arab spring go round Dubai and Abu Dhabi? How did it happen that the chaos of unrest was not transferred to Morocco? In none of his speeches, a politician who aspires to the highest power in one of the countries of the most explosive region from the geopolitical point of view, does not touch upon this obvious irregularity, if not contradictory point, of the historical process! Or, let’s say, how Ali Karimli will explain the paradox of a revolutionary country - Kyrgyzstan in the most pacified, frozen in one era middle part of vast Asia?!

But in order to ask these and other urgent questions of modern geopolitics, a politician must possess not only bare nerves and a fierce thirst for retribution, but also intelligence, an analytical mindset, erudition and awareness of the balance of power in the modern world order. How can one extrapolate the conclusions of his subjective and generalized observations on the situation in Sudan, Venezuela, Chile to a country with its own special national historical path of development?!

Karimli went to the round table of opposition leaders in the hostile Musavat precisely with his uncomplicated question. And yesterday, after the shameful collapse of the National Council - another one among countless coalitions of anti-Aliyev forces that gather every 2–3 years and also disperse in the wind along with new illusions - Karimli assured his supporters and associates that the frontists and Musavat traitors were not going the same way. And, they say, they will go our own (other) way! Karimli tried to assure the disagreeing and dissatisfied that all other opposition parties had lost popular confidence, embarked on a compromise with the authorities, and disappeared into timelessness. Although, how can one talk about morality and principles, nobility, virtue and honor, if it comes to Ali Karimli? After all, after the 2005 parliamentary elections, another anti-Aliyev paper project, proudly called “Freedom”, decided to boycott the Milli Majlis, but the Musavatists colluded with the authorities, broke with Karimli and proudly pulled out deputy mandates from their trousers, and the People’s Front loudly declared that they never would stand together with the Musavat party, which betrayed the ideals of freedom.

Karimli came with his question

And then what? Well, a few years later, in the name of the interests of the people, Karimli again had to unite with the vile Musavatist traitors in the new alliance of the bulldog with the rhinoceros, snake and hedgehog, fallen and wicked. Just for the sake of the interests of the people!

And then what?! After the abdication of renowned film director Rustam Ibragimbekov, who fell under the sultry Sun in the Azerbaijani political desert, Karimli put forward a homemade scientist-historian with finger tattoos, who for some reason passes his boring collections of archival documents neatly collected in books with a good American binding for fundamental historical works. Klyuchevsky of the Jalilabad bottling is Jamil Hasanli, a sort of “cheap rubber product” that exchanged Elchibey for the position of a deputy dean at the Baku State University (after all, Hasanli was the presidential adviser on relations with the parliament - and given that the Presidential Administration is a stone's throw from the parliament, Hasanli performed a strategically significant mission for NFA), and then exchanged his native party for love towards the ridiculous minister Misir Mardanov... Jamil Hasanli - the second rubber boot full of holes, he and Karimli - two boots of a couple, an extraordinary freak! And the Musavatists left the National Council, and Karimli vowed that under no circumstances would he sit at the same table with the double-faced shifters.

But as you see, he sat down, he did it. What remains to the politician driven into a corner of the political field and defeated to smithereens? Karimli accepted the invitation, came and sat at the same table with the forgotten heroes of 1988. The headquarters of the forgotten Musavat party, lost around automobile garages and dispensaries, brings back memories of the party committee of the collective farm of the perestroika period with boarded up doors and shutters. At the table in a dilapidated, dusty, filthy room, all the same people sat gloomy - Isa Gambar, Panah Huseyn, Hikmat Hajizade...

Gambar gave Hajili the chance to steer

Here is a bunch of political fools and the dead, led by the beloved nutcracker of Gambar - the clumsy Arif Hajili, whom the country has also forgotten forever. The hard-working announcer of Zagatala radio station once after the collapse of the party committee of collective farms took off on the crest of the plebeian wave of the Popular Front to the honorary office of a state adviser. The tongue-tied A. Hajili remained in history with just one catchphrase: “14 states, including Russia, supported the NFA’s rise to power.” Then the country for a long time forgot about the existence of this angular figure, until Isa Gambar remembered him. Left without a smoking pipe - the main attribute of the charismatic bashqan, and under the huge rocks of historical time, tired, forgotten and betrayed by most of his comrades-in-arms, Gambar gave the harmless and somewhat comedic Hajili a chance to steer his party. He took his mission in the literal sense: only the astrakhan hat and old-fashioned mustache returned for a while the forgotten image of the founder of the prehistoric Musavat - M.A.Rasulzade...

It is likely that readers have forgotten about another funny character from the time of the Popular Front - the shocking Hikmat Hajizade. A wonderful sovok, careless, a hippie with a guitar, who with a serious expression on his face can convince almost every second person of Martin Luther King’s special mission for Azerbaijan...

Weird Hikmat, he's in this weird world

At one time, Elchibey appointed Hikmat ambassador to Russia only because there were no other speakers of the Russian language besides him on the NFA board.

Well, how to leave out of our story another participant of the Binagadi "Valdai Club" - the famous "watermelon prime minister" Panah Huseyn. After Brezhnev, folklore in Azerbaijan elevated to hero this very farcical merchant of unripe watermelons. For many decades P. Huseyn was a byword, a kind of Garagez (centuries-old comical Turkic image) of Azerbaijani politics. During his first trip to Switzerland in the rank of prime minister, as members of the Azerbaijani government delegation told, Panah Huseyn was unable to deal with mixer taps in the shower room, complained to the administration about the malfunction, called a plumber's team, but their expert assessment did not suit the prime minister. Huseynov rolled up his sleeves and began personally testing the latest achievements of the civilized world...

Well, what is the Azerbaijani opposition without Rasul Guliyev?! What dystopia without a dense wallet made of expensive crocodile skin?! Moreover, the owner of this wallet for exactly one decade personified a predatory crocodile passion in plundering the national wealth of Azerbaijan. A holy place is never empty. Rasul Guliyev is gone, long live Rasul Guliyev, even if the new petrel of the tribal nomenclature is called Ali Insanov. Even if he is an insidious author of the theory of segregation of the Azerbaijani people, a cruel Fuhrer, a grave digger of the national health system, a destroyer and murderer of political freedoms... Insanov was sitting next to Gambar, whose execution he demanded from the parliamentary chair. Insanov sat next to Panah Huseyn, whom he compared with the Neanderthal man. Insanov smiled in the face of the liberal Hajizade, his socially implacable, class enemy. Are the anti-heroes so naive that they believed in the crocodile tears of the head of the organized crime group? Or maybe a swollen crocodile wallet prevailed?

Ali Insanov called them Neanderthals

Crocodile tears of a thief and a criminal convicted of robbery of humanitarian aid for refugees and sale of medicines?! I don’t believe it ... this time again a cynical, treacherous, vile attempt to make a deal already with the devil himself in order to achieve the cherished goal - power and once more power.

However, you must admit, this time it is some kind of convulsive attempt to get out of the quagmire, a convulsive jerk to free oneself from the arms of defeat. But the most striking thing is not the overstated self-esteem of this miserable and wretched bunch, no, this is an incorrect expression, but the inadequate self-esteem of this vulgar game... As if these important and significant politicians, these inhabitants of the land of the unfrightened idiots appealed to journalists with a request to leave the filthy premises, for fateful discussions would be held behind closed doors... Almost like at the summits of the heads of the powerful realms of the world.

And the discussions were around the eternal Azerbaijani question: why doesn't the people rebel?!

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