Our Analytics 7 october — 12:31

How Lavrov tore off Abdollahiyan's tail in Moscow (Our afterword)

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BY EYNULLA FATULLAYEV

The apotheosis of the unexpected visit of the newly minted head of Iranian diplomacy, the inveterate hawk of the Tehran strategy, Hossein Amir Abdollahiyan, to Moscow was the joint press-conference with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov. As a rule, such negotiations are shrouded in a veil of secrecy, especially when it comes to a heart-to-heart conversation between the heads of diplomacy of the two regional powers.

This time, however, Abdollahiyan, either deliberately, or having broken after prolonged psychological pressure against the backdrop of an arms race in the Caucasus, unfolded by Tehran, revealed his cards literally at the ramp of the plane that landed in Vnukovo. Having lost the balance, restraint and cunning inherent in centuries-old Persian diplomacy, Abdollahiyan rushed with accusations against Azerbaijan. Without diplomatic art, in the spirit of propaganda labels coming from the pen of Tehran graphomaniacs with distorted and unintelligent faces. Terrorists, Zionists, collaborators... It is quite unusual for cold-blooded Iranian diplomacy, which, as a rule, for two thousand years did not give vent to emotions and did not lose sanity even at a round table in the presence of non-fictional Zionists in Baghdad and even terrorists in Yemen. Something went wrong here.

Sorry sight. Abdollahiyan's last compassionate glance at the master of Russian diplomacy

The long language of Abdollahiyan brought him from Moscow to the South Caucasus, and he confided more than anything else about his fictions about what was happening on the northern borders of Iran. The most paradoxical thing in the words of the Iranian minister is the manifestation of his inflamed psyche regarding some kind of redrawing of borders in the South Caucasus. The minister speaks vaguely, confusingly and without specifics. Sitting in Baku, we have to think deeply about what kind of redrawing of borders and what states Abdollahiyan constantly talked about in Moscow. If our memory serves us, then over the past year one significant border-related event took place in the South Caucasus -- Azerbaijan expelled Armenian troops from the occupation zone and went to its internationally recognised borders. But after all, Iran, even in words, supported the restoration of the integrity of Azerbaijan, didn't it?

Amazingly, at the press-conference with Lavrov, Tehran's envoy spoke more about Azerbaijan than about Iran's pressing international problems. Syria, Palestine, Yemen and even relations with the eternal enemy -- the dynastic house of the Saudis -- faded into the background. A Russian journalist asked the Iranian minister about the latest round of talks with Riyadh. Having limited himself to an obscure remark about an illusory peace in the ghostly East, Abdollahiyan again returned to the bleeding wound -- Azerbaijan. It turns out that the joint military exercises of Azerbaijan with Turkey and Pakistan were provocative. It turns out that Iran, by Zionists and terrorists, means these two regional powers with which the Kremlin is trying to build almost allied relations and a new regional order? The Tehran wanderer confused the master of diplomacy himself. Lavrov immediately parries the blow: well, Azerbaijan is concerned about Iran's military exercises near its borders. Uppercut! And Abdollahiyan's pitiful arguments collapsed. Lavrov's iron logic disarmed the treacherous Iranian diplomacy. Translated from the diplomatic to the human, Sergei Viktorovich's remark sounds something like this: if military exercises are a provocation, then Iran is an instigator, because you also conducted exercises.

And the annoying Iranian jib-journalists with homework in their hands are returning the ministers to the Caucasian reality. 'Moreover, Sergei Viktorovich, he called you an earthworm!' said an Iranian journalist with a face covered with rare pockmarks. The Iranian asked Lavrov about the joint exercises of the naval forces of Azerbaijan and Turkey in the Caspian Sea. How did Lavrov respond to this? There is no need to blame the mirror, since the face is crooked! The question of the Iranian angered the master of Russian diplomacy, because through the fault of Iran, which to this day has not ratified the Astrakhan Convention on the legal status of the Caspian Sea, not only Turkish ships, but also NATO ships may appear in Russia's internal waters. It is Iran that has been sabotaging the entry into force of the Legal Status Convention for three years. Have you asked about Russia's position? Get it! Iran is to blame!

Azerbaijan and Armenia have adopted this format. Third one will be a third wheel

But the Iranian minister hastily tried to smooth things over. Lavrov's natural reaction seemed somewhat unexpected to Abdollahiyan, as did the Kremlin's position on the JCPOA, which pointed Iran's place at the Vienna negotiating table. Abdollahiyan, with a disgusting smile on his face with a sanctimonious expression, muttered through clenched teeth to justify his country that Iran's military exercises are a message of peace. Since when have blue doves of peace been launched on military exercises?! But Abdollahiyan continued to carry on some nonsense about the vital interests of Iran. The question is -- what vital interests of Iran can be on the border of Azerbaijan with Armenia? Another loud knock, Lavrov drove the Iranian into a corner: the Russian minister neatly reminded the southern fox that Russia is the guarantor of the post-war status quo in the region. Lavrov could have pronounced the name of the second guarantor country, but another public humiliation in front of the whole world would violate the unwritten laws of Russian hospitality. Abdollahiyan smiled ingratiatingly in response, and did not dare to argue with his older brother. There is such a wonderful Russian proverb -- where there are two, another one is a third wheel. Representatives of two regional powers -- Russia and Turkey -- were housed in the monitoring centre in Aghdam, which is responsible for the post-war order in Karabakh. What the other day, President Ilham Aliyev subtly remarked at the very mouth of the Araxes River, pointing out to all others that the 2+2 format of the peaceful settlement that emerged after the second Karabakh war is the only and uncontested way to build the architecture of the future peace...

Abdollahiyan, with his head bowed, cautiously stepped towards the exit. The door was already open. Well: good riddance! Do not return to the search for mythical Zionists and terrorists who have swam to the Araxes. There is no need to explain anything to Abdollahiyan, he is an experienced diplomat, he understood everything himself.

Returning home, at the ramp of the plane that landed at the airport named after Imam Khomeini, Abdollahiyan did not remember either the Zionists or the terrorists. The Iranian minister expressed a great desire to visit Baku as soon as possible. 'With wisdom and reason, together with our closest neighbours -- Azerbaijan and Armenia -- to develop a good solution to all problems.' This is another matter, Abdollahiyan is making progress on the go. It remains to add -- in the air. Only in Baku nobody needs his analyses. Let him leave his advices to Yerevan. There they will be useful to obstinate revanchist politicians who still cherish the dream of changing borders.

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